“A few thousand aeons ago, subject *R* crawled out from a suspiciously lumpy pond of the so-called primordial ooze. After spending several years on the Isle of Lesbos, and spending time in the barracks of a legion of Spartans, her sexuality – still in its earliest stages, one must confess – was warped beyond human measure. Further exposure to the radioactivity of manga and anime, and the development of a gaming system her malformed claws could use, were also a contributing factor to her sleepy and homicidal nature. Once roused, there is a chance she may scratch out your eyes with a spork, unleash an Omnislash on your ass, or whine you to death."
